True story #1: Grandmas love baking with their grandkids.
True story #2: Grandkids love baking with their Grandma.
True story #3: Sometimes the innocence of both of them put together is too good for this world.
Take for example the great Cock n’ Balls Christmas Cookies of 2016. They were a hilarious accident, and if left up to my mom, you’d have never known that they existed.
How she missed it, I have no idea. My guess is that if you stared at this photo for 8 milliseconds, you saw it right away.
But as Grandmas often do, she was baking shortbread cookies with the littles when they decided that they wanted tree shapes, poinsettias & heart-shaped Christmas cookies to decorate.
And that, my friends, is where things went awry.
That little heart. The symbol of love and kindness and kinship and the core of our humanity.
That little disc would squeeze the delicious dough onto the silicone baking sheet into the shape of something that would capture the very meaning of the season.
And yet…what’s this? Ho ho nooooooooo!
True, there are some round & cylindrical things involved, but it wasn’t quite the holly jolly symbol of love we were targeting.
Of course, I noticed it immediately. My sister noticed it immediately. My brother-in-law noticed it immediately.
But my mom? She was completely oblivious to it, perhaps because she was in full Grandma-mode. But when we couldn’t help but question why she made cock’n’balls cookies, she replied, “THEY’RE HEARTS! What’s wrong with you people!?”
But once she saw it, there was no unseeing it. At which point she was as amused as we were.
We then asked my father, who was presented with one of these “extra special” cookies by his grandkids if he noticed whether there was anything – I don’t know – “off” about them, he simply shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. It was a special cookie from my grandkids. I just ate it.”
If you know my dad, you’re not even a little surprised by this answer.
Needless to say, we all had a “hearty” laugh about this spectacular holiday goof, and I’m sure my mom will never live down her special shortbread cookies.
That said, even though they look like something straight out of Pinterest Fails of Pay-Per-View, they’re light, crisp & delicious. And in that sense, they’ll make the perfect addition to your holiday baking.
Just beware of that heart-shaped disc, as it tends to have a mind of its own.
1 cup (2 sticks) salted butter, softened
1/2 cup powdered sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Pinch of salt
Decorative edibles (optional)
*Note that this cookie can only be made with a cookie press, as they don’t roll out nicely.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
In a medium bowl, cream together all ingredients until well-blended.
Fill your cookie press & squeeze cookies onto lined baking sheet. If you DO use the heart disc, just beware that you have to use it quickly and not let that “tail” trail off or you’ll end up with cock’n’balls. Unless, of course, you DO want cock’n’balls. In which case…right on.
If decorating with sugar or non-pareils, you can decorate them before they hit the oven. Then bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Cookies should be very pale (probably as pale as your skin mid-winter) & slightly browned on the bottom when done.
Remove cookies to a wire rack to cool. If you’re planning to frost them, wait until they’ve cooled completely unless you want a fantastical mess on your hands.
They store well & last quite a well in a well-sealed container. They also freeze well if you like to enjoy them later.